Updated: Feb 3
Adrienne MacIain 0:01
Hey everyone, welcome to the That's Aloud podcast. I'm your hostess Adrienne MacIain. And today we're here with Melissa Mosher. What's up Moshe?
Melissa Mosher 0:11
Thank you so much for inviting me. I'm a huge fan. I just want to be wherever you are.
Adrienne MacIain 0:18
Moshe and I go way back. She's awesome. She, she can talk man, so I'm gonna shut the hell up and and let her go this episode, but I'm going to ask the first question and just see where this takes us, babe.
Melissa Mosher 0:35
Adrienne MacIain 0:36
How do you... do want to introduce yourself?
Melissa Mosher 0:38
Yeah. Why not? 'Cause that's fun. If I do my call, if I do my call and my performance well today, you'll leave this episode feeling exhausted, motivated and inspired. Why? Because my name is Melissa Mosier. I'm the savvy ninja, living, loving and breeding online content, business and information for over 25 years. And when I mean breeding, I literally mean that - let's grab this, grab this, pair it, marry it and go. And so the idea of I do, I love to talk, I love to share experiences, perspective, strategy, and analysis. We did a rough estimate of math and think that since I've joined chat rooms in 1994, I have potentially had 1.6 million conversations.
Adrienne MacIain 1:19
Sounds about right.
Melissa Mosher 1:22
All topics, all venues, all features. No, but that's actually not true because I'm very intentional with where I spend my time, so you'll see a lot of energy there. So the fact that I'm here and I am participating with That's Aloud, it's a big deal. This is a big deal. It is a big deal, too. But I'm so happy to be here.
Adrienne MacIain 1:42
Alright, so the first question is, what story is the world not getting?
Melissa Mosher 1:50
Which is a great question, because there are so many stories flying these days. We are in the age of story. What's your story? What's your story? What's your story? And we have everybody kind of bombarding us with our stories. And I thought about this when you asked it because I thought, well, I'm pretty often, like I live my life on my sleeve, so to speak, there's not a lot that is mysterious, or the story that's not hearing, because back to that talking a lot. But the reality is the story that I don't believe I'm telling or that folks don't know about me, you can do amazing things with crippling anxiety, and a glorious lack of self confidence. You do not actually need any of those things to be successful. They do help, they make the path easier for sure. But I think my story coming up next year with the rebrand and stuff is going to be that folks think this might look easy for me, or this is natural, or it's native. It is absolutely not. This is honed, crafted, skilled, fought against, practice some more, and then fought again. So thank you for continually pulling me out of my little tiny, quiet shell. But yeah, you can function with an amazing amount of anxiety that folks never know about.
Adrienne MacIain 3:09
Absolutely. And you know, it's just absolutely true that when you meet someone on the street, you never know what they're going through, what's going on with them. So of course, we try to be kind to everyone we meet. But before we pushed record, you started saying something to me that I think is just so important for everyone to hear, which is that your life can completely blow up. Right? The universe can take away from you every excuse that you ever had not to do the thing. And you can still hide in your apartment for four months and not do the thing.
Melissa Mosher 3:47
Yeah, yeah! So what, which is perfect. So, tying that back, couple years back, so I'm a career executive assistant corporate stooge, learned the game, did it well, if you ask me. Was able to climb the ladder, do the jobs, get the titles, get all the things. And then in about, in 2016, life fell apart. My Great Danes died unexpectedly, my career ended, well a job ended, which then triggered a career ending. I had a relationship end. And so I literally drained my savings account, got an apartment, and went and hid for four months. I only talked to my mom, I think, and a Jamaican godmother that the universe brought me, so that's interesting too. But coming out of that, and kind of where I think I was going when we were prepping, is the fact that everything is, so I have this idea of Oh, I want to make impact, I want to create connections, I want to do all these things. Life fell apart and I went Okay, I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I sort of have this idea, but I should be going down this path of Okay, let me go get a job, let me go back and get into that thing.
Adrienne MacIain 4:57
Ah, the Should. The great and terrible Should.
Melissa Mosher 4:59
The universe just... Yeah, the Should! You should go update your resume, you should not go backwards in your compensation, you should recover from a relationship before getting into the next one. I don't know, whatever the Should is I have taken the last three years and doing the exact opposite. Like, okay, should I be living in the city? Right? We're looking here now, here I am two and a half years living outside in the middle of nowhere. So all the excuses are, I get excited, all the excuses. My job, I no longer have a distraction of this like, incredibly intense career. This consuming relationship and the business endeavors that we had together, now I don't have those anymore. I gotta pay for this expensive apartment and live in the city and do all this, hm-mm, actually you don't, you're out in the woods. Oh, you're gonna miss all your friends, nope, divorce took care of that. Don't have to worry about them. Right? And then I have like, my best friends are 74 years old. I kid you not. They've lived next door to me where I used to live for 10 years, they lived in a house for 18 years. They decided like, eight months after I moved out here, I think it was about eight months, and they said we've decided we're going to sell our house and we're going to buy an RV and we're going to move to Discovery Bay, which is 15 minutes away from me. So here are your best friends, here is rent that you can pay in your sleep doing nothing, I'm going to take away your jobs, I'm going to take away everything. I feel like the universe has literally said All your excuses are gone, this is now on you. And then about, I don't know, four months after that whole 'stop with your excuses' epiphany happened, you came into my life again and went Hey, remember all those excuses, remember those things? Remember you were going to talk and speak and whatever? Remember how I get all that out of your way now? Here's a dream. Go do it. Go do it.
Adrienne MacIain 6:58
Absolutely. So, it's a funny thing, how, and we talk about this a lot on this podcast, this is one of those themes that just keeps coming back, which is the sort of leap and the universe will catch you, but there's another side to that too, which is that even if you're not ready to leap, sometimes the universe just pushes ya. Okay? Like, it's been long enough, you know? You've been thinking about it, you've been dipping your toe in it. And the universe is like, No, no, you got to be all in, baby, you got to be all in. And so you are obviously too scared to do this by yourself, so I'm just going to help you out, and just take away everything that's not what you're supposed to be doing.
Melissa Mosher 7:41
Yeah, and like, I got goosebumps twice while you were saying that. because, and those that have like, been in the corporate world probably can relate, but that is so the counter of what I... I'm not blaming corporate, but that is so the counter of the game that I learned. Right? Because I went into it pretty intentionally. I dropped out of college and went, No, I want to make money, I want to go do that, I'm going to go, and so I feel like I was pretty good at that. But you're not necessarily told or shown or guided to, you know, self-reflect on what you want to do. I think the biggest epiphany for me in all of this, but you know, you don't have to have confidence, push through fear, all of those blah, blah, blah, are things that I share. But the idea of, I think the biggest epiphany for me in all of this is that whether life is giving you lemons, or lemonade, or whatever that saying is, is the fact that you can literally look at your energy and decide how you want to spend it. Like, that's it. When we're feeling overwhelmed and confused and unhappy, like, all of these things, and we got like, all these feelings and emotions and problems and stuff... how do you want to spend your energy? Like, bringing it back to energy, and and that's kind of where my head's been in the last year is how do I want to spend my energy, my free time, my emotional carry, my financial investment? These are all forms of energy that I think I underestimated for the last 35 or 40 years. And so now it's like, okay, time is money - no, energy, energy is money. And I want to be more thoughtfully ruthless, as the book would say, about where and how that's spent.
Adrienne MacIain 9:22
Absolutely. I think you just nailed it right there. Your energy is your life. And where you choose to spend it depends on what kind of life you're going to have and what you choose to focus on.
Melissa Mosher 9:38
To be able to take that mindset in such a way, I've got a campaign bring that goes does it spark joy? does it spark coin? if it's no to both it's got to go. It's just, it's got to go. And the idea of things can, I can decide how my energy is spent. So people will go Oh, but are you doing free work and paid work and blah, blah, blah? No, here it's energy, right? It's energy. This thing, whether currency, like, monetary currency is not the only form of collaboration, that's not the only transaction that we have. Yeah, I can do free events all day long, but if it's for audiences making, you know, less than minimum wage, chances are they're not going to hire me as a one-on-one coaching client. But does that free opportunity give me stage time? Does it give me practice? Do I get to look at strategy? Do I get to practice these, you know, these mental muscles of triaging and level setting where does my priority go? And I think being an EA, executive assistant for so many years really has given me a leg up on that. Now to the point where I'm almost like one of those alert dogs - wasted time, wasted time, waste of time, waste, waste, waste. If it is not, now that I'm like, in the CEO seat, if it is not three steps to coin, I don't have time for it. It's gotta go. Like, that can go into queue never. I don't have time. Right?
Adrienne MacIain 10:59
That's so true.
Melissa Mosher 11:00
And so this idea of like, indexing to paper.
Adrienne MacIain 11:04
Yeah, I just I love that so much because, you know, as a former EA myself, I absolutely agree. I think the thing that, the part of it that I was actually really good at was helping my guy, you know, stay focused on what really freakin' matters. And like, don't get caught up in all the reactive stuff. Don't get caught up, you know, this is just thrown on your plate and suddenly you think you have to drop everything and deal with it. No, no, it don't work like that.
Melissa Mosher 11:32
No, they just want you to catch it and triage it. Right? I have also learned in my experience, like I've got this last couple years, I had subcontractors. Right? I learned I'm really good at guiding a strategy and tactics, but I'm a terrible manager. I'm gonna forget about you unless you are in my face asking me what do I need, you know that that kind of hungry individual. Then once you're in my face, you have my full attention, whatever you need, right. And so I'm sitting there going, alright, I need to get stuff done. I know I can't do everything. Like, I'm sitting on both sides of it. And then boiling it back down to I've hired, I hire people to teach me things, right. Messaging coach and entrepreneur, implementer, and all these other things I'm going, but at the end of the day, where's the coin? Oh, man, I need to call every exec, every exec, if I was an exec that supported you, I want to apologize for double-booking you. I want to apologize for booking back-to-back. I want to apologize for not giving you the information you need to go into meetings and appointments and make the decisions that need to be made in that appointment. And so I'm sitting here kind of, I'm also a Libra, too, so I'm always in this like balance mode, but now I am so indexed into Do not waste my time, I have so much to do. And it's a different set of urgency than being in corporate, right, because we still had much to do. But yeah, this idea of staying focused, yeah, you got to admin yourself.
Adrienne MacIain 12:57
Yeah, well, and not only that, I think that people don't even know what their priorities are so much of the time. Yeah.
Melissa Mosher 13:06
Or they're not able to pull the task from the process. So these are like a couple of my coaching students. So I'm coaching students. It's the idea of like, we talked about follow-ups, let's use as an example, right? Oh, I need to email you know, I need to follow up with that person. That is not 'go send an email.' That's a task within the process of responding. Go review your notes: do we have the attachments? Am I responding? What was the last thing I said? Am I giving an action for forward da-da-da-da-dah? So I feel like, in my world right now, folks are confusing process and task, and just getting so overwhelmed. So they don't necessarily know what's most important. Another example, Oh, I've got this new contract app! I'm going to put all my invoices and contracts, and it's gonna be this whole big, lovely workflow. This gal reached out to me and says, I want to do that. Great. We start talking strategy. Okay, what kind of packages do you want to host, da-da-da-da-dah? Well, this is due tomorrow. Okay, screw the app. We do not need the app right now. What we need is Google Doc, and we got to get the words right. Right? And so the idea of in her mind, she knew, okay, I've got to get a quote, be prepared to execute this contract and do all these things, right, but I'm struggling. She doesn't know it at the time, but this app, and I don't know how to put my contracts in, I don't even know that my contracts right! Okay, wait, that's not important. Actually, the important thing is getting a doc to this person tomorrow if the conversation goes well, and so I feel like now that's really where especially the EAA skill set comes in, is to be able to separate task and process.
Adrienne MacIain 14:45
Yes, I think project management is one of those skills that is super undervalued, but desperately needed.
Melissa Mosher 14:54
Yes, I've ever requested from a project manager, Can you make an infographic on project management, and she goes Yeah, what would you do? Like, we were just chatting and I go, Oh, I'd just like it to be how to solve a problem. Do you know the answer? Yes? Then you're done. Do you not know the answer? No? Okay, here's what we do. Right? And this idea of having a project managers mindset.
Adrienne MacIain 15:16
Yeah, absolutely. One of the things that I've been doing more and more as I'm getting more into creation coaching is what I'm calling it now, where I'm really helping people take their imaginations and make them into realities. And because I think, you know, people don't really need me to tell them like, Here's your idea, right? Like, it's helpful to have someone reflect back like, Okay, here's what your idea actually is, here's who it's for, blah, blah, blah. What they need is someone to hold their frickin hand through the entire process until Oh, okay, here's the actual project completed. And especially as creative types, I think people just never learned how to think strategically about their time management and about, Okay, this is an important creation that needs to get out in the world. How do I actually make sure that happens? How do I keep myself accountable to my own stuff?
Melissa Mosher 16:14
And managing all of the other parts and pieces. So I have a couple creatives that, like, I joke and say I'm not a coach, I'm a consultant. I don't care if you win or lose, here's the data. No, but you know what I mean? Like, I'm very much Here you go, here's what I think, you can do what you want, take it make it your own, right. But I've noticed that with creatives, too, that's a blind spot I have because... or I have a blind spot compared to what the creatives do. Like, I just manage my week. I know that if a client emails me, I don't drop everything I'm doing and go down that rabbit hole. I'm gonna get to email on Tuesday, that's when I get that stuff. So for what that's worth, like, I'm the idea, I'm the innovation Queen, right? So the idea of mixing that creative plus EA administration, accounting, accountability, sort of piece, I have had more non admins paying me for simple things like Can you help me time block or manage? Like, I don't know how to manage myself as a business. Going like, well, things I can picture you doing, because this is how I think my brain thinks, is like when you have creative spurts, how do you help coach and guide your creative? Me, I say write that down, get back to it. But I'm not a creative in that type, because I've got Look, no, we got these things. But being able to help guide them back to energy, right? You have energy. How are we going to spend it? Yeah, we can spend 10 hours on figuring out a contract platform, but even if we get it perfected, is that going to get you coin?
Adrienne MacIain 17:41
Right? Probably not. And certainly not going to spark your joy.
Melissa Mosher 17:45
Adrienne MacIain 17:48
Yeah. I love that. I love that. Does it spark joy? Does it spark coin? I mean, those are, that's really what it's all about. Right?
Melissa Mosher 17:54
And it has to have at least one of the two. Like, long pole goal, it has both joy and coin. If we tag back to the corporate days, right, everybody has a price. My friends, I found my price. I know how much my soul cost, how much you can put on that check, and I will say yes. And it'll add to the point where the job actually just about kills me, right? So you can sit there and go Great, here's the money here. The coins here. The coins here. I'm making all the coin, actually more than I had planned. Dang, you mean I need joy too? That's probably one of my biggest disappointments. And it was a disappointment in my four months of hiding. You mean to tell me after 15 years of doing this, coin don't make me happy in and of itself?
Adrienne MacIain 18:46
Melissa Mosher 18:47
I have no hobbies. Like, to this day, I have no hobbies. You know what my hobbies are? Working. Making two other side businesses. I've got an RC business kind of brewing too. So, no hobbies, right. I have no outs. I have no non-currency interests. Like, my brain is so wired for energy now that even down to if I'm going to play a video game, is it going to be something that I can teach somebody on, make money with, and stream? You know what I mean? So it's like, Wait, you mean just getting money, just getting coin's not enough? Mm hmm. I thought it was gonna be, you know?
Adrienne MacIain 19:28
Right. And the t