Updated: Dec 31, 2020
Adrienne MacIain 0:01
Hi, everyone, welcome to the that's allowed podcast. This is your hostess Adrienne MacIain. And today we are here with Victoria Davis, Victoria, please introduce yourself.
Victoria Davis 0:12
Hey Adrienne, thanks for having me. Yeah, so good to be here. Um, essentially, you know, what I do is work with coaches who are trying to figure out their passion, essentially, I work with like health and fitness coaches who are in that niche, but really have God-given dreams and don't really know how to manifest those, you know, there's, there's a lot that goes on with that, you know, and I really try to help them, build programs pulled a nice shot of them, and then brand themselves to impact people who they're supposed to serve versus to say, and I'm a health and fitness coach, because I get that I was in that world for a long time. So.
Adrienne MacIain 0:48
So how did that come to be? What was your, sort of, awakening to what you needed to do?
Victoria Davis 0:55
Yeah, so I worked in corporate wellness for a long time as a first health coach. And then I ended up developing programs for corporations, and then consulting and managing those accounts, and then bringing in coaches and hiring them and putting them in there and realizing that each of us, right has a specific purpose and calling but a lot of times, it's really hard to understand what that is one if you don't have experience, and two, if you don't have somebody kind of guiding you, because I think in that, that world, you can easily be all things to all people are try to be, and you know, that's not really going to help you serve the right person, or get really clear on what you want to be doing in the world. And that's kind of how that that came to be is because I had so many people coming to me, not even one knowing what a health coach was, and then to not really knowing what I did. And so I found that I was serving people, because I could do it, you know, I had the skill set, but it didn't mean that it fit right. You know, I had high paying clients that I felt like they're paying me tons of money, and I don't want to show up for them why it wasn't in that vein. And so I really tried to help coaches slow down and get clear on that and then build offerings that really actually makes sense for them and the people that they're supposed to serve.
Adrienne MacIain 2:19
Yeah, absolutely. So what is the story that you're not telling?
Victoria Davis 2:25
Oh, yeah. So, um, gosh, I mean, we could take that so many different ways.
Adrienne MacIain 2:33
Very, it is, it is the most open ended question. And that is why I always start with it.
Victoria Davis 2:39
Yeah, I think that, um, what you and I had kind of chatted about a little bit, like off air was, you know, growing up in a sort of household that was kind of connected to, you know, having a difficult relationship with like a family member, you know, and living out of that place of restriction and manipulation and control. But then, you know, not, you know, faith. For me, faith was like, one of the biggest things that has driven my life, but I saw, like the hypocrisy and negative side, but I also saw the positive side. But, I mean, we could kind of go that route. But if you want to kind of shift it a little bit, I think one of the stories that I'm starting to tell, but not telling so much that there's connection to that stuff, too, is that working in the health industry, you know, for so long, there's this, like, underlying current of performance and health addiction. And you know, and so with that, I think that like one of the stories that I've recently not haven't really told, but I'm starting to tell is that I found my identity and significance in being vegan for 10 years and running like insane trail races, and just you know, and kind of having this platform in the health industry, even though I was helping people, people constantly looking at you, you always have to be on your game. But really, what's the truth that I know I'm not the only one is that so many people in my industry, behind the scenes feel like they have to perform or be a certain way. And it's actually really damaging, and causes a lot of mental problems and emotional problems and health addictions because we tend to be perfect and so yeah, that's kind of the story that I feel like needs to be told at least.
Adrienne MacIain 4:39
Absolutely. I and I feel like those two stories are related to you. Mm hmm. So what do you see where do you see the through line from that growing up in this place of being constantly told? You're not good enough. You know, you have to be perfect, too. Get into heaven or whatever it is. And then there's this. And also that hypocrisy of realizing like, Wait a second, you're saying this but doing this, right? And then feeling like, Okay, if I'm telling people, you know, be healthy, like, I have to be the perfect example. Yeah, I must live my life. Actually.
Victoria Davis 5:22
You know what, it's funny because there's the through line of performance that is so connected to that, right? So I honestly grew up thinking that even though it wasn't being good enough, like you just said, to get into heaven, I, I did grow up with that spirit or whatever you want to call it like a rejection, because I thought that if I'm not good enough, and I don't perform, or I don't have my walls up, then you know, you're going to attack me verbally, or make me constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong, you know, that constant thing of walking on eggshells? And then that translated over into being in a high position, you know, in corporate health and wellness. And when I publicly stated that I was vegan, which was for 10 years took up my life, I don't have a problem with it. But then my bloodwork started saying that this isn't working for you, and you're off, because of that mindset of people are going to reject me, what are people going to say and do and the performance that goes around that? Um, that really kept me stuck and afraid. So, yeah, that's how I connect it.
Adrienne MacIain 6:42
Well, I can deeply relate, because I also was a vegan. I was vegetarian for 10 years and vegan for four of those. And I same thing, I started to get sick, I started to get really sick. And I was in denial. For a long time, I thought, you know, maybe I'm just not being healthy enough. Maybe I'm not exercising enough? Or maybe I'm you know, and it becomes this kind of insanity of trying to be ever more perfectly healthy. And losing more and more ground of your actual wellness.
Victoria Davis 7:17
Right, that, gosh, you're so spot on with that. That's exactly how I felt, you know, it was if I just eat a little bit better, or, you know, I just get really pure and really clean with my ingredients, then I'm doing the right thing. And it really just kept me. Yeah, and bondage and, and fear.
Adrienne MacIain 7:39
Yes. And, and it also makes you feel like, especially when you're traveling or when you're with other people, it makes you feel very anti social. And like you're kind of sanctimonious, and like, you can't relax and just enjoy being with other people. And when they offer you things, you have to constantly reject them. And then there's feels feels like there's this implied judgment to what they've offered you. And so it's just, it's tough. It's really tough.
Victoria Davis 8:07
Yeah, yeah. I completely agree with that.
Adrienne MacIain 8:11
Yeah, one of the things I found so I'll tell you a funny story about how my veganism ended. So I was living in France. And I mean, it's France, okay. And I was staying with this host family, and God bless them. They had no idea how to make vegan food.
Victoria Davis 8:29
Adrienne MacIain 8:30
Yeah. And this is France. So they're making these beautiful, amazing dinners. And then I'm sitting here with like, rice and vegetables every day. And, you know, I got so extreme that I was like, like you said, You know, I started to get sick. And so I started to say, well, maybe I just need raw, like, pure raw, you know, only raw vegetables. And then I went down from that to fruitarian. Wow. Yeah. So I was getting I was getting worse and worse. And finally, so then, you know, my poor host mom is just like, tearing out her hair. Right? Yeah. So she's making me these rice and vegetables every night. And so then, at the end of this day, I'm standing in the kitchen talking to her. And as she's chatting with me, she reaches up and she grabs this little canister, and she throws it in the water. And I was like, what's that? Because it's got a cow on the front. Right? And she's like, "c'est bouillon," like, it's beef bouillon, you know? And I was like, is that... is that my rice? And she's like, "Yeah, what?" So the whole time I had been eating this beef rice. And I had no idea. And I just started laughing so hard, that like, I couldn't breathe. And I fell down on the floor and she was just looking at me like "What is wrong?" And I said, Excuse me, I'll be right back. And I went outside and there was a little fromagerie, a cheese shop, right around the corner. And I went in and I was like, "I would like one of everything, please." And they were like "Ummm" and I was like "Yes. I would like a small slice of every cheese you have." And I made myself so sick, and I didn't care. And I was like, that's it. I'm just gonna eat what feels good to my body. That's the end.
Victoria Davis 10:12
Yeah. I love that. I can totally relate to you on that because mine was, it was weird, because mine was, my desire to shift was because two things like, one, when I was a little kid I was diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome. So we drastically changed my diet from age seven to 10. And then from there, I kind of adopted it. Well, it really helped. It was really great to eliminate processed stuff anyways, all the sugar and soda that I wanted to have as a 10 year old, right? But then adopting that into my life forever, but then not realizing again, subconsciously, there was some restriction involved in that, that I would I felt like what's gonna happen if I have this and then and then having food allergies start to manifest and my skin breaking out because of moves. So then that was what led me to be vegan. So I really placed my healing on veganism. But yeah, the same thing that happened to me in a difference like scenario, I was just over being vegan, but I was also really afraid. And so what happened was is I experienced actually is like, supernatural healing, which was crazy cool. And that was connected to my feminine issues. But after God did that, and it wrecked me emotionally and spiritually. It was just so wonderful.
Adrienne MacIain 11:42
Oh, wait, hold on. That sounds like an amazing story. Can you go into that?
Victoria Davis 11:47
Yeah. So basically, I was at that place to where I didn't want to be vegan anymore. Like, that was a conversation I was having with Him. I just was saying, Lord, I, I'm done. I've held on to this, but I'm putting it above you. I can't, you know, I realized that this is not working. My body's not doing what it needs to do. I couldn't I didn't have my, you know, my feminine cycle. I was barren and all those things. And so I realized the--
Adrienne MacIain 12:15
Same, by the way.
Victoria Davis 12:16
Yeah. So, so detrimental. And then, so I surrendered that. And I didn't know what surrender meant, in that moment. And I was at just a church service where someone came to speak for I was part of a community that I really loved. And this guy was basically saying, "Hey, I really feel like today God is wanting to heal women that have feminine issues," and about four of us stood up and instantaneously, within like five minutes, I just got heat that radiated all over my body. And I started weeping and I couldn't shake it. It didn't manifest right away. But what was crazy is I got to go talk to a friend about it. And I was so high with from that experience. Yeah. And she said, "Oh, that's interesting, because I've had ovarian cysts." And so I said, "Can we pray?" and so we're praying together. And then the next day, my cycle came back, and I just, I don't know, you know, all the steps of that. But that was the first domino and then so that back to the other part, as I say, okay, God, if you can do that, then I'm just gonna believe that you can heal my food intolerances because I want to eat eggs again. And I can I can tolerate being vegetarian to get. And so I just started eating them. And I remember my symptoms would be I would get hot before and just kind of feel achy. Well, that happened for about two to three days. And then all the sudden the symptoms just started to dissipate, because I just kept standing on that and say, No, I believe you. And I'm not going to let this be a reality. And so now, I eat them. And I love them. And there's that.
Adrienne MacIain 14:05
Awesome, I love it. Well we know that the mind and body are one. Right? Yeah. And so you know, it makes perfect sense that your beliefs affect your body. Right? Oh, yeah. So believing I am allergic to this. Of course, you're allergic to that, if you believe that you're allergic to that thing.
Victoria Davis 14:26
Yeah yeah yeah.
Adrienne MacIain 14:28
Yeah. So I'm not saying that, like, if you have a peanut allergy, you just have to decide like, I'm not allergic to peanuts. But at the same time, there is something really powerful and just, like you said, surrendering and saying, I don't want this to be the case anymore.
Victoria Davis 14:42
Adrienne MacIain 14:44
And just letting go of that identity of the allergic person.
Victoria Davis 14:47
Yeah, letting go of the label that it, when you agree with something, like you're saying, it attaches. It has power over you. And I mean, I still am working through what that is every day, you know. But yeah, specifically connected to those things. You know, I would say, I have food intolerances, or using Tourettes Syndrome as a crutch growing up. And it's just, it's super damaging. You're right.
Adrienne MacIain 15:18
Yeah. So we've talked a little bit about sort of where it begins for you. What, and that sounds like it was the sort of climax moment, right? Where you kind of said, All right, I give this up. So the tide started to turn, you're able to eat these things again. What happens, then? Like, what, what did that open up for you in your life?
Victoria Davis 15:43
Yeah, that's a great question. Um, it opened up freedom in new ways, right? So I started to see how wrong I was. And I started to shift my perspective of who God really was and wanted to be for me. So for example, I believed the lie for a long time that he was disappointed in me, and, you know, mad at me. And so I would be, I did that the way that I lived a lot of it a lot of my life was because I felt like if I restricted myself that I would be good enough, even though I never consciously thought that you know, yeah. Now, I know that it's about the journey and being free along the way. And there's no condemnation along that journey. And really living from that space is so empowering, enlightening. Freeing. I mean, it's really allowed me to just experience radical transformation in my health in the way I view it in my relationships, and my career. In all of those areas, it's manifested in crazy ways. I look physically different. You know, I mean, there's a lot of repercussions to that. Absolutely.
Adrienne MacIain 17:14
So what's blocked you from from sharing this story before?
Victoria Davis 17:18
I think there's a lot of things. You know, I think one of the biggest things that's blocked me from sharing it before is that one again, having that fear that people A. wouldn't get it or B. wouldn't understand. Or would reject that. So there's those little lies creeping back up just in a different way. It's a different layer. But yeah, I think the biggest thing is that I've been blocked from sharing it, because I didn't know how to necessarily, one, articulate it, and then also tie the threads together. You know, it was it's kind of been this whole 30 plus year journey of life, to where I didn't really realize that all those beliefs were holding me back. But it's now it's, it's really important. You know, it's, it's, I have to share it because I can't you know, you can't help other people. I can't coach properly unless I've experienced some of the same things that my clients have, right. Like, I can't help them experience breakthrough without sharing what's taught me to be resilient, and what areas I might fall flat on my face in. And so I think that the biggest thing that's blocked me is just feeling like, is this really, of significance? You know, or is this just my story that I feel like, I think there's that side of it, too. I don't want to be arrogant or confident or step up and say things and that's not good, either.
Adrienne MacIain 18:53
Right? Because what about those people out there? Who could learn from your story or benefit from it?
Victoria Davis 18:59
Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And I think, too, one side of that is connected to having a parent who, you know, really, I wanted to love and have a healthy relationship with, but God really had to help me put boundaries up and was just basically showing me: stop throwing yourself in front of the bus, you know, you love her, but it's just not... it's okay, I'm not condemning you and telling you you have to and I think that for a long time, I just didn't want to speak negatively. I just didn't want to speak evil the truth. It was true. I just I didn't want to put it out there because I didn't want to hurt anyone or and I, I think that I was depriving people who really needed to know that. They don't have to do that either. You know?
Adrienne MacIain 19:54
Let's talk about boundaries for a minute. What is a boundary and how did you learn how to set one?
Victoria Davis 20:01
Um, I think boundaries for me, what I've learned that they are in my personal life is that it's it's literally outlining a verbal boundary, right. So by that I mean, I might have decided in my head in my heart that seeing you in person isn't safe. But unless I communicate that, I'll get anxious, and I'll hold on to that. And it'll stew, right? Or, for example, let's say, there's a particular topic of conversation that I really don't want to go into. The boundary that I've learned to put up is to just speak my mind and stand on that truth and say, "Hey, I don't want to go into this conversation. I don't want to talk about this." But I think a lot of times with boundaries, we feel like we have to if we do that, we have to give an explanation.
Adrienne MacIain 20:59
Victoria Davis 21:00
You know, and we have to overshare, and that's not right. It's being able to say, "I'm going to confront you, because I don't like what you're doing. This hurts me. So we're not going to go here anymore." And that doesn't give you, just because you're my family member does not give you the right to come at me or say certain things. And understanding that, you know, they will have to accept it for that boundary to be in place, or like it. So that's kind of what I've learned along the way.
Adrienne MacIain 21:38
So I was just writing a chapter today, I'm working on a new book. And I was just writing a chapter today on boundaries. So this is really big, in my mind. So if you don't mind, I'm going to t