Nothing Held Back w/ Dr. Ottiliana Rolandsson

Updated: Feb 25, 2021

Adrienne MacIain 0:01

Hey everyone, welcome to the that's allowed podcast. I'm your hostess, Dr. Adrienne MacIain. And today we have Ottiliana Rolandsson. Please introduce yourself, Lovely.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 0:12

Well, my name is Ottiliana, and I live in northern Sweden where I'm from. And I lived in the US for 18 years, from like, December 1995, I moved to New Orleans. And then later on, I was there for like, two to three years. And then I moved to California. And that led me to getting my PhD in theater studies at UC Santa Barbara, where you and I met each other. And I've also lived in Brazil, in Germany, and so on. And then I moved back to Sweden in 2014, and I have been here since, in my hometown in northern Sweden. And currently, I am starting a business that will be called Ottiliana.

Adrienne MacIain 1:03


Ottiliana Rolandsson 1:04

Ottiliana Ventures. And it's a performance art based company that has different legs. But at the core, it's about storytelling and our authentic voice, these things that you love too. Arts and so on.

Adrienne MacIain 1:26

So I actually had this vision the other day that I wanted to share it with you. And I wanted to wait until we were actually on air to share this with you. So, I had this vision that you and I are going to start a venture together. And that it's about helping people to tap into their sacred wisdom and open up to their creativity and start to create performance art pieces.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 1:58

I love it.

Adrienne MacIain 1:59

Yeah. Because I've sort of had this epiphany that I'm a creation coach. And this is what I'm here to do, to help people take their wild imaginings and make them into realities.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 2:13


Adrienne MacIain 2:14

And so, but then it was like you were very strongly in that picture with me. And we were doing this thing together. So I'm very excited to see where that goes. Some sort of manifestation magic happening there.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 2:27

Yes, I love it. I welcome it. Yes yes yes.

Adrienne MacIain 2:32

So I'll just ask the question, which is: what story is the world not getting?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 2:40

You have asked me this before, and I've been thinking about it. And you know, and then a few weeks ago, it dawned on me. And that was about diversity. And the backstory is that I've been doing I had been the moderator and also the host for Umea Pride--Umea is my hometown, where I live now, and Pride is the Pride festival. And it was done now in October. And of course, most of it was digital because of the corona pandemic. And, and I was the host, and then I was invited also to be the moderator for a panel discussion about it was the translation would be like trans nuances. And it was about the trans community and being transgender I am not, but about all that complexity. And I was asked to do it because they needed someone that was curious and open and genuine, but who had not, didn't have much experience in the whole transgender issues. And so I was like, well, I would be very happy to do this.

Adrienne MacIain 3:52

Why do you think they chose to go that route, instead of having someone who's very familiar with the trans community?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 4:00

I think it was because as there was a panel and with three people who have profound knowledge and experience in the trans community from three different perspectives, and that they, especially for the the star on the panel, this trans woman who is a famous actress and journalist and writer here in Sweden. It was her demand. And I think it is because she wanted to find a way away from the conflict within the trans community to a more open space. And if this person, the host, would be more neutral, this person could listen more keenly to each person and bring these perspectives together and not have them opposed to each other in some kind of drama.

Adrienne MacIain 4:50

Yeah. And I think it helps the audience to to have a representative, of like, okay, this person's learning along with us.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 5:00

Yeah, I think you're right about that. And it became very successful. And it was a wonderful journey. And also this person said afterwards in media that she felt that I had helped them break new grounds within the conversations and dialogues within the trans community. And I was very happy that that she felt thus. But for me, too, what I learned when I was doing a lot of research, and I kept coming back to: what's the big deal? I mean, I understand for a transgender person to go through all of that, or you're very young, and you don't really know your identity, things like that, you know, but from this society: what's the big deal? I kept coming back to that. Why would someone... if I'm not transgender, why would I have an issue with a transgender person? Why would they pose a threat to my identity and my survival? They don't at all. And I was like, it has to do, perhaps it has something to do with that we as humans, we speak so well about, oh, we need to be diverse. You know, everyone needs to like, fit around the table, you know, and so on. But that perhaps we often get locked down in binary thoughts within ourselves. And that we truly need to exercise our own inner diversity, our own inner ecosystem, the ecosystem of our minds, our emotions, our souls. But of course, it's challenging, because it's like, oh, my god, it's so complex. It's much easier: yes, no, right, wrong, black and white, period. Yeah, it's much easier. And the complexity is hard. But at the same time, we also know deep within, and on the surface, that diversity brings richness. And it's also how nature and fauna thrives. How the forest, the ocean thrives, and also how humanity thrives. So then I was like, okay, so maybe the story that the world is not getting so clearly is that perhaps each one of us would do humanity and the world a huge favor if we would practice diversity within ourselves, and be strengthened. You know, like, maybe that is like a muscle to exercise. At the same time, in the same way as intellectual endeavor, like you and I got our PhDs. Well, it was a huge challenge that required a lot of diversity in the head, in the mind, in thought, and agility and flexibility and turning and twisting one question from many different perspectives. And putting together many different complex thoughts into a whole, right? But we also know it was tremendously satisfying. And it has changed us forever. So I wish for myself that I will continue the diversity practice, so that I become so that I have the fortitude to have complexity wash through me, without me being afraid or resisting it, or saying no to it. And instead, leaning into it with a curious openness and interest.

Adrienne MacIain 8:46

Yeah, I've definitely noticed that when people talk about diversity, most of the time, they're just thinking about one kind of diversity, which is racial diversity, or cultural diversity. They're not thinking about gender diversity, they're not thinking about sexual diversity. And they're definitely not thinking about neurodiversity, or emotional diversity, or the diversity you're talking about, which is within us. We have all these different personas, we have all these different personalities, these different stories, these different ideas about ourselves, ideas that other people have given us about ourselves, right? We have this multiverse that lives within us. And again, to try to simplify that and pin yourself down to one story is what we do as a society. Like I've been thinking lately about my title. I finally came up with the title Creation Coach, which took me years to come to because it is really hard and frankly inadvisable to stamp one label on yourself and say: This is what I am. This is what I do.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 9:59


Adrienne MacIain 10:00

But that's what is asked of us as humans. We go on LinkedIn or whatever, and we have to have a title.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 10:09

Right, right. And then when we lose whatever we stamped on our forehead, we lose our identity and we come into crisis. Like oh my god, who am I??? You know? And I'm thinking two things. One was, I haven't done it, I'm going to do it now when it's when it's next new moon, the meditation that you had spoken of, with letting go of everything that we believe that we need to survive.

Adrienne MacIain 10:39

The Trashman meditation,

Ottiliana Rolandsson 10:41

The Trashman meditation, yes. And then finding oneself completely in emptiness, like maybe it's a scary process, I don't know, I could imagine. But then coming to this like, like, some sort of like matrix perhaps.

Adrienne MacIain 10:54

Yeah. So after that, which I completely recommend the Trashman meditation by Daniel, Bruce Levin, brilliant, super useful. When you're done with that, go to my website and download the free guided meditation that I just put on there, which will then help you fill yourself back up with all the things that are really meaningful to you right now.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 11:18

Perfect, yeah, I will do that. I'm doing this moon faces rituals in my life now actually very much inspired by Amy Rahe that you interviewed? I'd already started that process before. And then she spoke about her daily rituals, and also about the... I'd written to her, you know, as I know her also, from UCSB, and I had asked her about, I'm so curious about your daily rituals, as a way to frame our days and nights and weeks and months and years, in a way, so perhaps, you know, like, to get a framework so that we also can live within the creative flow, and the good chaos and the complexity of life. But we need a framework perhaps that can help, that can be the the binary points somehow, for more fluid life to be available to us. Anyway, and this just spoke about her that she's doing new moon rituals, and I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm just moving into that. So I'm so inspired. So I'm going to add the Trashman. And this other, filling yourself up, to my moon rituals, this

Adrienne MacIain 12:38

Beautiful. I call it the Ideal Scene meditation.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 12:42

Yeah, I look forward to that. I was thinking another thing that you said with the labels and how we are trained by society that we need to you have, you know, like your three minute elevator pitch. And the business cards, they're not maybe as common today as they were, like, 5-10 years ago. But nevertheless, and not to take away from that, of course, that can be very useful, you know, and it's good to have a telephone number and email address. Or name, you know. But also, at the same time, I remember when I just moved to New Orleans, and I was so creative. I was doing performance art, I was studying visual arts, I was painting I was doing all these things. And many people have always said, are you like a renaissance person? And then I meet this famous American composer for movies in Hollywood, Hollywood composer, huge. And I love him, it was great to get to know him. And he wanted to give me advice, because he did see a lot of potential in this young, creative, brilliant young woman, but she is like all over the place. I mean, this won't do, she will never become successful if she's just like doing all these things. She needs to pick one thing and one style, because that's what he had done, and gained enormous success. And he's heartfelt, and he's so, he really wants to transmit this knowledge to me and this understanding. And he says exactly: you need to pick one thing, one style, and then you do all of that. And I was like, oh, I'm like, okay, I'm going to consider it, I respect you, I will consider it. And I just came out from that thought process. And I said, with my personality and who I am, I can't I will never be able to do that. And I have tried, believe me I have tried from time to time because I've gotten that advice from other people that have had success in the same way. And sure, for some people, this is the only thing I want to do, only this and nothing else, and you know, good for them. But I am not that, and I finally come to accept that within myself, and that that is fine and dandy and well. And perhaps then that leads into these insights that I have had lately about the importance of the inner diversity and the feeding the inner ecosystem.

Adrienne MacIain 15:20

Yeah. And that openness and creativity and just letting things flow through you as they flow through you. You know, it is solid business advice, yes, to niche down and pick something that is consistent so that people can consistently find you. But I also find that it's soul-crushing. I've had the same issue. And I, you know, I just had that recent epiphany too, where I was like, no, I'm a creation coach. I'm not specifically a book midwife. That is one thing that I do, but that's not the only thing that I do. I help entrepreneurs figure out what their business is, and I help people who just have a career and want to figure out what they do, how to find joy within what they're already doing, and find the creativity in what they're already doing. And performers. And, you know, it's like, I just help people tap into their own creation energy, and create what they're here to create, and give their gifts. And I'm just tired of pretending I only do one thing, because that's just not me. You know?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 16:31

And it's not true!

Adrienne MacIain 16:32

And it's not true! I do all these things. And, you know, that is my gift, is just helping people figure out what their gift is, and give it. I think for a long time I shied away from that, because I hate the word Life Coach. I hate it. The idea that someone, you know, needs someone to tell them how to live their life? Just seems insulting to me! You know what I'm saying? It's like, I'm not here to tell you how to live your life! That's ridiculous.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 17:04

*laughing* I don't know how you're going to live your life. How do I know?

Adrienne MacIain 17:07

Like, I haven't figured out life yet. Have you??

Ottiliana Rolandsson 17:11

No, thank God. No.

Adrienne MacIain 17:14

No, but what I have figured out is how to tap into your creation energy.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 17:19


Adrienne MacIain 17:21

And everybody can tap into that, everyone has access to it. Just like you're saying, it's so diverse, because we are connected to everything. Everyone and everything. We can have that empathy, we can have that connection. We just have to open up that channel and be open to it.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 17:40

Yeah. I love it. I love it.

Adrienne MacIain 17:42

So tell us a little bit more about your story as an artist. When did you realize that you had this creative energy within you? When did you start creating? And how did that change over the years and change you and change the people around you?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 18:00

Well, that was a big question. I will, I will take one little strand, and then we see how it unfolds. But it's a wonderful question. Well, already as a child, I, I like to tell this story. Already as a small child, I wrote my first order not a small child, but like when I was like six, seven years old, I wrote my first poem. Hmm. And it was sort of like maybe perhaps it could be compared to a haiku. Although I had no background in like, I mean a little bit in school, whatever they did in kindergarten, or like in the in the first grades or you know, like, doodling on papers, and you know, some pedagogy, you know, like, school stuff but and my family they were not my mom, she loved a crafts a lot her and her closest sister, they were very crafty. And but not really any artists around me that I knew or were in contact with or anything like that. But already as then, as I was said, five, six years all I wrote this poem, and it went like this. I'm translating from Swedish, and it went like this. When the heavens falls down, we will all become like a bunch of camels.

Adrienne MacIain 19:25

What does that mean to you?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 19:27

I don't know. It just made perfect sense to me. Like, who knows what could happen with this universe? I don't know. And I was kind of like a deep strange child and I knew that I had been the friend and lover of Ghengis Khan and I remember how I was galloping with him over the tundra in in Mongolia, and we were like riding and we were like laughing like wildly, you know, like looking at each other and just laughing. And I knew that I had been like this, this wise woman that picked herbs in the forest. And I had been a shaman, I knew all of these things, you know. But in my family and in my culture, you didn't speak about these things. Yeah. You know, it's really in Sweden, you don't speak. I mean, sub cultures do speak about spirituality anymore. So now, but in Sweden, you don't speak about God, you know, you speak to God within yourself, but you don't write quietly. Yeah, you speak, right. It's like, it's an intimate relationship, you know, that you don't share with others, so freely grown up in in all of that. And no one spoke about past lives or anything like that. But I just knew these things, you know, when I engaged with them, and you know, like, my mom and dad, they were like, Okay, this is our strange kid, you know, but, you know, surely, she does no harm. Like, kids are weird, whatever. And, and then, when I was then a teenager, all of a sudden, and I continued to, to write, you know, and for many years poems, and then this led me to performance art. But in between there as a teenager, all of a sudden, I'm like, to my mom and dad, there was what what do you want for your birthday? And I think it was 16. I'm like, the only thing I want is painting supplies, a canvas and painting supplies, and they're like, well, you don't paint and I'm like, I am now. I wasn't exactly then, but within myself, I was, you know. So they were sweet and they got me that, and then I started to paint. And, and then, and also, when I was, like, 17, at college, Community College, sort of thing. It's like the term different in the US and in Sweden. But you know, whatever school you go to, when you're like, 17, I met this Hungarian theatre man that had fled communism in Hungary. And he ended up in northern Sweden. Northern Sweden, now it's really cool, and you have been to Umea, it's a wonderful, it's a very cultural and innovative town, and lots of international companies. And it was a research university and all kinds of stuff. But then it was like, super boring. This is like in the late 80s, early 90s. And he just like, enter the stage of Umea, or like, in the streets, you know, on the downtown, and he was so flamboyant. And he had his dark hair and his beautiful mustache and purple shirts. No one wore purple shirts! Like a woman, yes, but a man? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, this was like, hardcore guys, you know, who worked in the forest and did really manly stuff, you know, and manly stuff was not to wear a purple shirt. And then he had this beautiful shiny black dress pants. And then he had high leather boots, where he tucked his pants into them, and they sort of like, pushed out, you know, the edge, you know. And he then starts to work the theater in my hometown. And I found him and I started to do theater with him. And he touched lots of young people's life. And we just adored each other. And at one point--but I'm very shy, and I had then you know, gone through, and I had been sexually abused when I was young, and I went from being a very open child, to just locked down and become very shy and afraid of the world. And you know, introverted. I am a very extroverted person, as you can hear, but I became sort of like, introverted to protect myself. And so I was very, like, curious about all the theater stuff that he did, but I kept on, you know, like, in the background, you know, I didn't want to make a fuss around myself to draw attention, you know, but he saw something in me. And then he said, Ottiliana, why don't you come with me? I'm going to the countryside, and I'm going to go and teach directing. And suddenly, you know, like doing this for for a few weeks, you know, and yeah, not staying overnight, but we would go out and do this and come back. And would you like to come with me? And I'm like, I love to travel. And I can just go to the airport and just sit there like, Oh my god, it's so exciting, and then go back home. And I just love everything with traveling. So I was like, Oh, yes, absolutely. I would love to go on live travel with you. But I don't want to do in the theater. And he's like, okay, fine, you know, he didn't, you know, give that any energy whatsoever. He must have had a plan. So anyways, we show up and we're all in this old school building. And it's all these grown up people there that are like, like interested in theater and they're doing this directing class with this. This this foreigner, you know, that is so flamboyant. And he was wonderful that he actually was quite famous back in Hungary. I later learned from other people when I was traveling. And they knew his name under a father. And so anyway, some sitting there on a bench just watching them. And I'm like, Oh, this is so exciting. But I had no need or being a participant at all, I just want to observe. And then all of a sudden, they all turned to me. And they said, under says, We need an actor there one short. So in order for them to do this directing thing that they are doing, we really would need you. And I'm like, I really don't want to do this. I was thought to myself, I'm like, No, no, please, have this. So embarrassing. I was like, it was so painful. But then I didn't want to be rude. And they needed someone and he could just see I was in torment and torn. And he said, You don't have to do anything, just come up and stand here. You know, no big deal. And I'm like, Well, I can stand on one spot, you know. And so I went up there, and then I don't remember anything. I like completely blacked out. And then I come back. I don't know how long it went, but it must have been like, half an hour, 45 minutes. I learned later. And, and they all like standing around me and they're just like, in all and I have no idea what happened. And I'm like, okay, like, thank you so much. That was just amazing. And I'm like, Okay. And the poor girl that I was a teenager, and I was so insecure, and they're like, Are you from the Royal Theatre in Stockholm? Like our big, big bad as theatre, the most famous Theatre of Sweden, you know? And I'm like, No! I did maybe a play in school when I was like, 13. No, no. And so that was something that triggered and like something that opened up that he must have seen, and he then later helped me to set and started to do theater with him. And I just found it wonderful. And then he helped me to audition at the finest theatre school that we have in Sweden that I wasn't ready for yet. So I flunked, I didn't even get a callback, I did two monologues. But they were like, "Okay, she is obviously not ready for us." But then we have a famous private theatre school that I also applied to, and I got in. And then since then, and then later on, when I came to New Orleans, I was studying painting. But I then started to do theater as well, they had an art program and a theater arts program. So I started to do both. But then I was also doing these performance art pieces. And I performed at the House of Blues and missy. And I got to all these different gigs. And it was just like wonderful. So somehow it just organically broke open. Yeah. And so then I continued to do things like that. And then I went, when I came to California, I went into drama, and got my bachelors, my masters and then a PhD in theater studies. And then when I returned back to to my hometown, I have a one woman show about Greta Garbo that I've done. And I did it several times in California, over like a course of maybe five, seven years. And then I also did it, it premiered also in Sweden. But then since then, I have had a hard time finding a way into the the theatre community in Sweden. And in my hometown, it seems like they are very protective of themselves. And I have not known how to do it. While at the same time I had gotten then other really cool job positions. I was the director of Guitars the Museum, a famous guitar museum that we have in my town, and stuff like that. So it took me sort of on an other course, which has been wonderful. And then earlier this year, I discovered oral storytelling. Yeah. And it's somehow just so divinely inspired, because then on both my mom and dad sides, we have these quite established store, retailers, my great grandfather, he was like a showman, kind of person, although this, you know, he was a Christian too. And this was like off the table. So he only did it when people really they wouldn't survive if he didn't do what really his talent was. But then he also was this great storyteller. So somehow, and we have this particular style of storytelling also in the region where I live, which I now am tapping into. So somehow, it's getting into, not a full circle, but more like the spiral, the spiraling, it's, you know, tying back to deep roots that I had.

Adrienne MacIain 30:08

So let's tap into that. Let's go into our exercise now, cuz it's about that time. So can I have you close your eyes? Okay, beautiful. So, I'm going to wave my magic wand. And now you are doing exactly what you were meant to do. You are giving your gifts to the world freely, and they are receiving them with such gratitude. You are just full of purpose and meaning. And so I want you to look around your life as it is in this sort of ideal space where you are giving the world exactly what you came to give it. And tell me what you see what you hear what you can smell, taste, and touch in this space.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 31:01

At this very moment, I thought I would see something else. But at this very moment, I am standing on this big stage. And it actually looks like the Royal Theatre in Stockholm. And I'm standing on the big stage, they have several theaters there, but I'm standing on the main stage. And, and the house is full and, and I see all these lights. And the people it's a standard Oh my god. Oh, I'm starting to cry, oh I'm so moved. And it's the standing ovation. I'm alone on stage and the whole house is giving me a standing ovation. And, and on this stage, it's not a lot of set pieces. It's something that is very minimalistic. It's it's like simple lighting too. So I don't know if it is or if it's like a more a storytelling event more than a theater piece.

Adrienne MacIain 32:09

So let's say that you did just share a personal story, an authentic personal story of yours, and you're getting this overwhelming acceptance and validation. And love back from that, from this audience. I just want you to revel in that feeling for a moment that you were just completely vulnerable and open with this audience. And they have received that gift embraced it and are offering back their appreciation. What does that feel like?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 33:06

It feels like my whole entire being, I'm completely open. It's like my whole being is completely open. And my being is huge, but it's very raw and vulnerable. And like I'm holding nothing back. And I'm giving everything freely. And it's like I'm and I can feel that everything that is like my whole being is like like flooding, it's like flowing out into the audience. And I can feel each one of them somehow. But then I also can feel from from the back from above and back that is coming like this stream of energy that is that is outside me from others, I don't know if it's from other dimension, or back in history or, but it's sort of like other beings that are just flooding me with with their stories and entities. And it's coming in at the back of my head at the nape of my head, whatever it's called. And then it's just like streaming into my nervous system and my spine. And then it's just transformed. And it's just flooding straight out through my open heart and arms. And I'm touching each one of them in the audience. And somehow beyond them too. Yeah. It's like this matrix. And I'm sort of like this beacon, this transmitter of this of this matrix somehow.

Adrienne MacIain 34:44

I want you to see, out in the audience... there's a young girl, she's about the age that you were when you were so terrified to go up on stage. And she's just got tears streaming down her face. She's looking up at you. And she's just broken open and opened herself to a new possibility.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 35:16

I love her so much.

Adrienne MacIain 35:18

I want you to find her afterwards. Find her in the crowd afterwards. Go up to her. What do you want to say to her?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 35:40

First I want to tell her, I saw you in the crowd, there in the audience inside the theater, I saw you, I saw you clearly. And my impression was that you were deeply moved. Is that correct? And she says that that is correct. And then I asked her, would you allow me to hug you? She says yes, and she starts to cry, and we're just holding each other, we're both crying, you know, as if we have known each other for the longest time. But it's like, like, you know, it's the first time we meet, but it's like, we've always known each other. And then she also tells me that... I'm asking her, I'm curious, why she was so moved. And she says that, seeing what you did and gave on stage, I now know that I am to dedicate my life and my energy to the power of stories and the power of storytelling as a bridge between people, as a bridge between cultures, as a bridge of understanding, as a bridge of tolerance, as a bridge of trust, to open up to deep, deep wisdom. And I and I see that she speaks truth, and I can see that it will be so for her. And I say this to her. That that will be so.

Adrienne MacIain 37:51

How does that feel?

Ottiliana Rolandsson 37:52

Oh, so beautiful. I'm so profoundly moved. I'm so profoundly moved, and I'm so happy and grateful. I feel very grateful.

Adrienne MacIain 38:14

I think we'll end right there, before we lose our mascara! Oh my goodness. Thank you for that. I was that little girl, and I was you. Oh, it was amazing.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 38:31

Oh, thank you Adrienne,

Adrienne MacIain 38:34

We have to do this.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 38:35

Oh, yes!

Adrienne MacIain 38:36

We have to do this. We have to make this happen. This is... UUNHHH.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 38:44

Wow. I did not expect this.

Adrienne MacIain 38:52

That's the beauty of this process, it's like you never know what's gonna break open. And people always think they're gonna see something different, you know what I'm saying? But the people who really allow themselves to open up to the process often see something completely unexpected.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 39:08

Yeah, yeah. Because I started to decide what I was going to see. I went to: now I'm going to be a good girl, this is going to be good, Adrienne is going to like this. The listeners, they would be like aha, good, good. Bravo, bravo. Ja.

Adrienne MacIain 39:26

But that's the thing, when you allow yourself to really open up to what your heart actually desires? It's just... *explosion*

Ottiliana Rolandsson 39:36


Adrienne MacIain 39:39


Ottiliana Rolandsson 39:41

And that process, I'm thinking what if that is also connecting to intuition, and what is intuition? Perhaps that's the language of our soul. And, and, oh, I want. I want for myself, I want for you, I want for everyone, but if I speak for myself from this, I really want for my heart, for the intuition to completely open up and for myself to respect that voice in myself and really enjoy listening to it. Perhaps that could be the voice that I lead with instead of the monkey voice, you know?

Adrienne MacIain 40:31


Ottiliana Rolandsson 40:31

The chatter.

Adrienne MacIain 40:35

Yeah. And, and to be that example to share from that place, you know, from, from your heart from your solar plexus, you know, from all your chakras, just to be able to open all of that and share on all those levels. When other people see that and experience that it shows them that there's this other possibility beyond that monkey voice.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 41:04

Yeah. Right.

Adrienne MacIain 41:07

Beyond the ego that's telling them: be a good girl. You are this. Act like that. Instead, we can be a delightful, contradictory mess.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 41:21

*laughter* Yeah. This is so beautiful. This is so beautiful. Thank you, audience. I love you so much.

Adrienne MacIain 41:31

I love you so much. This was perfect. And you know how much I needed this. Just to catch people up to the conversation we had before we pushed record today. There's some very... it's October okay, we're getting towards Samhain or Halloween or whatever you want to call it, Dia de los Muertos, All Saints... And the veil is thin. And some very weird stuff is happening right now. This morning, my stovetop was shattered by I don't know what sort of entity. There was a small pan on the stove. David turned around for a moment, and then he heard a smash and he turned back and the pan was like this, vertical, and just embedded in the shattered stovetop.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 42:20

It's so crazy.

Adrienne MacIain 42:22

Yeah. So I really needed this to just get back into the light and out of that shadow and I'm sure we'll sort it out. But it's just it's really lovely to be taken back into that space of possibility.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 42:40

Mm hmm. Yeah

Adrienne MacIain 42:44

And hope.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 42:45

Thank you.

Adrienne MacIain 42:47

Alright, we'll sign off for now.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 42:50


Adrienne MacIain 42:51

I love you.

Ottiliana Rolandsson 42:52

I love you.

Transcribed by

8 views0 comments