S2E4 Tell The Truth First Before It Gets Worse w/ Aria Vita MacIain

Updated: Apr 18

"Tell the truth first, before it gets worse." This is one of the many remarkable insights my wise-beyond-her-years 8-year-old daughter Aria comes up with in the course of this fun, kid-friendly episode of That's Aloud. Aria's adventures in make-believe and her sincere efforts to come clean to her friends are as relatable as they are touching. Listen to this one with your whole family! Highlight Reel:

2:39 - Aria's confession

3:17 - Things get out of hand

7:10 - Aria comes clean

8:11 - Aria's epiphany: tell them first, before it gets worse

10:17 - The difference between objective truth and emotional truth

11:59 - Taking your own advice is hard

13:52 - How to come clean to someone you care about

16:52 - Intimacy, vulnerability, courage, bravery, and how to find a true friend



Adrienne MacIain 0:24

[Intro]


Hi, everyone. This is Adrienne and I have an extremely special guest here today. This is Aria Vita MacIain, my eight year old daughter. [kiss] You want to say hi to everybody?


Aria MacIain 1:13

Hi!


Adrienne MacIain 1:14

Okay. So Aria has a story that she would like to tell, and I'm going to help her tell it today.


Aria MacIain 1:21

I used to have two friends and their name is Inez and Vivian.


Adrienne MacIain 1:27

Do you want to tell us how you met Vivian?


Aria MacIain 1:29

Yeah. So, before I was in kindergarten, I was studying very well. I knew the vowels. I was like, readering, and most people didn't at my age. So when Vivian was there looking for her cubby, I helped her find it, because she did not really know how to read.


Unknown Speaker 1:50

Right, but you did.


Aria MacIain 1:51

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 1:52

Yeah. So you and Vivian you were best friends.


Aria MacIain 1:55

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 1:56

Yeah. You guys were inseparable for a while there. And then when Inez came along, what happened?


Aria MacIain 2:01

Vivian started playing a little bit more with Inez. Sometimes they said that they needed alone time. And when I gave them it, I saw those two playing together, which was NOT alone time. That was friend time.


Adrienne MacIain 2:17

And that was excluding you time, right?


Aria MacIain 2:20

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 2:21

And how did that make you feel?


Aria MacIain 2:23

I got pretty upset because Vivian was my best friend until now.


Adrienne MacIain 2:29

Yeah. So there's a specific story...


Aria MacIain 2:32

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 2:33

...that you wanted to tell today. Now, what has blocked you from telling this particular story, until now?


Aria MacIain 2:39

Well, in this story, if I feel like I'm the one who lied and I feel ashamed, because I'm the one who started this entire lie.


Adrienne MacIain 2:49

Yeah. Okay, so... you want to tell the story?


Aria MacIain 2:53

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 2:54

Okay.


Aria MacIain 2:56

The day after the day we met Inez, I remember that clearly day, it was foggy. And I said, this fog was a dream. It was a storm. Things were happening. There was a problem.


Adrienne MacIain 3:12

Okay, so you made the fog into a kind of magical, mystical symbol.


Aria MacIain 3:17

Yes, which didn't seem that bad at the time until we got straight into it. Like, well, this is something true that I'm... I felt magical at that time. And so when I tell my friends they of course tell me things, and we all make things up, which still seemed fun. Until it was like we were running around in the park. And we were standing here and it's like, "This is somebody's dream who's dreaming of us! We're trapped in somebody's dream, how do we get out??"


Adrienne MacIain 3:54

Yeah, so you made it kind of dangerous and scary a little bit.


Aria MacIain 3:58

Yeah, but now we started picking up seedlets and it was like,


Adrienne MacIain 4:03

You started picking up what?


Aria MacIain 4:05

There were the seed packets on the ground everywhere, we started picking them up and pretending things and stuff. And now it changed to get a little worse because me and my friends right now are, we're like, moving around things, trying to get through things. And sometimes we were even kind of breaking rules trying to have the teachers not see us.


Adrienne MacIain 4:30

Gotcha. So it kind of got out of hand and got away from you.


Aria MacIain 4:35

Yeah. Now suddenly, we're in this big thing. And I think the friends know there are lies too. But it's like, it's kind of my fault.


Adrienne MacIain 4:47

Yeah, I hear ya. And so how did you feel about that at the time?


Aria MacIain 4:53

Um, at the time, I felt okay. I felt like "Oh, this is fun. We're playing our-- I'm playing with my friends. And, like, finally I've started something. And finally we can all play together."


That's really the main thing. Cuz after... when... cuz when me and Vivian, I... let me tell you what I would do before I met Vivian, or Inez.


Adrienne MacIain 5:09

Right.


Yes.


Aria MacIain 5:15

I would swing on rings. I would just swing on rings. Rings are like monkey bars only they're not still. And they swing. And when I met Vivian, and Inez came, she kind of sucked up all my time with Vivian. And so what was I to do? Play on the rings. So I got really good at those rings. And now that we could all play together, I felt like "Yay, we can all play!" Maybe I can't get just Vivian back to myself, no. But we can all play together.


Adrienne MacIain 5:59

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 5:59

So at that time, I was not that much ashamed of...


Adrienne MacIain 6:03

No, you were kind of proud of yourself for coming up with that idea, right? Because it worked.


Aria MacIain 6:07

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 6:08

Yeah, that makes sense.


Aria MacIain 6:09

But I think that was with my subconscious mind at the time when I made that up. Because at that time, I just wanted to make some problem up. Cuz it seemed fun.


Adrienne MacIain 6:23

Sure. It's drama, right?


Aria MacIain 6:25

But I think in my subconscious mind, I knew there was more to that story.


Adrienne MacIain 6:31

Yeah. And when did that change for you? When did you start to realize, "Uh-oh, I've made a mistake"?


Aria MacIain 6:37

It's eventually like: Sacrifices! And oh, Aria, there's gonna be a problem with you! And Inez, things are gonna have to happen!


Right. Drama drama drama.


And it was just like, I can't let this happen! It was just way too much. As much as I wanted to keep it in, as much as I was scared... As much as that feeling, I knew I couldn't let this go on.


Adrienne MacIain 7:08

And so what did you do?


Aria MacIain 7:10

Basically, after recess? I went out to them. And I was like, Hey, guys, I gotta tell you something. And they were like, "What is it, Aria? What is it?? We need to know!" And I'm like, "Okay, guys, I've been lying about this, there's this thing, and this thing, and I didn't want to say... and it's like, I've been lying about the fog for the whole time, which right now I'm even embarrassed to say.


Adrienne MacIain 7:35

Yeah. yeah, it's hard to admit that you lied, right?


Aria MacIain 7:39

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 7:39

Yeah. It's a big thing. Well, can I give you a hug for being really brave and admitting that, on a recording?


Aria MacIain 7:46

Um, there's more to the story, though.


Adrienne MacIain 7:48

Okay, I want to hear it.


Aria MacIain 7:49

My friends played along with the lie, of course, and actually, they were a little bit okay with it. Of course, they got upset. I mean, who wouldn't? I just made up something big. But... we're kindergarteners. We don't understand this like... I'm in third grade right now and I did not understand it then.


Adrienne MacIain 8:11

Yeah. The thing is, and I understand that, you know, you're kind of ashamed of that. But, you know, making up stories is kind of what people do. That's, that's a really normal human thing is to want to make up stories and to create, you know, drama, around kinda normally stuff.


Aria MacIain 8:29

I know I'm ashamed of it. But right now, I really shouldn't be. And if this has happened to you, you shouldn't be. Because... because...


Adrienne MacIain 8:40

You did the right thing, right?


Aria MacIain 8:41

Yeah. You wanted drama. You wanted action. You didn't know at that time. Of course, digging deeper into the hole is a warning. Like, tell them first. Before it gets worse. Tell them first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 8:56

Oh, I like that Aria. Did you make that up? I love that. Tell them first before it gets worse. So how did this story change you, Aria?


Aria MacIain 9:06

Um, well, what happened, a lot of... Well, what it changed me from is, I have a new friend now. Her name's Suvi. And we've been telling lies, too. You might be like, Oh, geez, I thought you learned! But


Adrienne MacIain 9:24

Oh baby, believe me, we understand. Patterns are patterns, and it's really hard to break them.


Aria MacIain 9:30

Yeah. And I feel like it's a pattern. Because I feel like I've seen this before. And I want to tell, but I'm scared. What if it IS the truth? What... Cuz it's like, it's not just me who made this up. It's like, I say to Suvi: I am fairy. And then Suvi says to me, I'm witch, and we need to solve all of these big problems. And then these big problems and I'm gonna explode from these... And I'm like, honestly right now I feel like Suvi's leading this, but I'm not gonna blame it on Suvi.


Adrienne MacIain 10:11

Right.


Aria MacIain 10:12

I'm not gonna.


Adrienne MacIain 10:13

Yeah, you're playing along. You're getting something out of it for sure.


Aria MacIain 10:17

Cuz I want to tell her, I truly do. I also don't want to lose her and I also don't want to make her feel bad if it is the truth. Because when I said I was fairy, I was kind of telling the truth.


Adrienne MacIain 10:32

There's truth, right? And then there's emotional truth.


Aria MacIain 10:37

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 10:38

Right? And if that's your emotional truth, then that's different. But I think it's important to say to her, "Hey, just so we're clear, there's parts of this that are true for me, and there's parts that are just fun for me." And I think she'll say the same. I think she'll probably tell you the exact same thing, Aria.


Aria MacIain 10:59

With Suvi it's a little different.


Adrienne MacIain 11:01

Okay.


Aria MacIain 11:01

Like recently I got pretty upset with this, especially right now. Because Suiv and Lola were whispering, and I was like, "Hey guys," and they were like "..." and I was like, "What are you guys talking about?" And she's like, "Nothing." And then she pretended that her leg hurt, and she needed to go on the elevator. And I came in with her. Because I wanted to know. And then I got in trouble for that.


Yeah.


And then now I'm like, "What did she... what were you guys talking about?" And she made something up. How do I know that she made something up?"


Adrienne MacIain 11:36

Oh, you can tell.


Aria MacIain 11:36

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 11:37

You can tell.


Aria MacIain 11:38

And also because she would have told Lola, and she would have been like, "Aaaa!" and instead Lola was smiling and she was whispering. And I saw.


Adrienne MacIain 11:46

Okay.


Aria MacIain 11:47

And so, like, she made something up to me. And it's making me upset, but I can't blame her. I can kind of feel Suvi's side.


Adrienne MacIain 11:59

Of course. But remember what we just-- what YOU just told the audience?


Aria MacIain 12:03

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 12:04

What did you tell them?


Aria MacIain 12:05

Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 12:10

That's right. So, what's the lesson that you're going to take away from this?


Aria MacIain 12:17

...


Adrienne MacIain 12:17

[laughter] It's hard! It's easier to give other people advice then to give it to yourself, right?


Aria MacIain 12:22

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 12:22

To take your own advice is hard. But I know you're gonna make the right choice, Aria. I'm really proud of you. You're so wise.


Aria MacIain 12:31

There's a few other things I'd like to say.


Adrienne MacIain 12:34

Absolutely. You have the floor.


Aria MacIain 12:37

All my friends have moved away. All of my friends that I trust-trust.


Adrienne MacIain 12:41

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 12:43

Yeah. And then Suvi, I'm like, "Can I trust you?" Like...


Adrienne MacIain 12:50

Vivian moved to New York...


Aria MacIain 12:53

Inez moved to Spain and Emmy moved to... I don't remember, I really don't. But I know I can kind of see her, but it's not like, you know... I think they needed to move away because... money.


Adrienne MacIain 13:08

Yeah, that's often the way of it.


Aria MacIain 13:11

Which... that changed me a lot. Because it's like, who do I hang out with that I can trust? Who do I hang out with, which makes it... You see, by avoiding the hole and taking a different route, it just digs you deeper. And by digging you away from the surface, it doesn't mean that they're not talking. It just means that you're not listening.


Adrienne MacIain 13:36

That's right. That's right. So who do you think needs to hear this story? And what do you want them to walk away with? We've already sort of covered that with your beautiful little phrase. But I want to hear you kind of sum sum up the meaning of the story for the people.


Aria MacIain 13:52

The meaning is that if you if you said a big lie to somebody, and if you haven't told them yet? I'd advise you to tell them. And right now, I still need to tell somebody, as you just heard. And one thing you could say to them is, "Hey, listen, I still want to be friends. Okay? But we need to tell the truth to each other." Which, I think that's how I want to do it.


Adrienne MacIain 14:22

Yeah. That's a really good way.


Aria MacIain 14:23

Yeah. Cuz we still need to tell the truth to each other. And let me go first because I started this. Or, if you didn't even start this, just say, let me go first because I was part of this.


Adrienne MacIain 14:35

And the thing is, if you're scared that you're going to lose somebody by telling the truth, then that's not really your friend.


Aria MacIain 14:42

Yeah. I bet they'll be relieved. Here's something you can say to them. Of course, they don't need to, they're not always going to talk their side. But here's something you can say. "So, in order for this thing to have worked, I know there's two sides. So, would you like to tell yours?" you can say that. But so what I want people to walk away with in the story is: I want them to say their truth. I want them to tell the truth. I don't want them to be scared, or worried of... And I even know that grownups do this.


Adrienne MacIain 15:22

100% grownups do this, Aria.


Aria MacIain 15:25

And it's not just over friends, like, you can lose other things by this. You could be scared of getting in trouble. Like, and so, all I'm saying is, if you're scared of getting in trouble. Truth is way more important. You need to tell them the truth.


Adrienne MacIain 15:47

The truth will set you free.


Aria MacIain 15:49

Like, that's not just something somebody made up. The truth WILL set you free. Right now, The cage is building up through lies. The cage will finish. I promise you. But you can stop that cage from finishing. And even when it's finished, you can still stop it, but it won't go as well. With me and Inez, I think the cage was just barely finished, because like we were getting to the sacrifice parts. Like, you know,


Adrienne MacIain 16:22

Yucky.


Aria MacIain 16:24

The cage was just barely finished. And the deeper the cage goes, the harder it is to...


Yeah. Which is why I made up that rhyme.


Adrienne MacIain 16:31

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 16:31

....set you free.


Adrienne MacIain 16:31

The longer the longer you wait, the more painful it's gonna be for everybody. Definitely. Right?


Both 16:41

Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 16:44

Good job. That was awesome, Aria. Can I add one thing?


What?


Do you know the word intimacy?


Aria MacIain 16:52

No.


Adrienne MacIain 16:52

Okay, so intimacy is what makes real friendship and real love possible. It's being really vulnerable and showing somebody else who you really are.


Aria MacIain 17:04

And if they don't accept that they are not your friend.


Adrienne MacIain 17:08

That's right!


Aria MacIain 17:08

Because if you show them that... we talked about this in school too, and let's say you really like dirt.


Adrienne MacIain 17:17

[laughter] Okay.


Aria MacIain 17:18

Some people really do like dirt.


Adrienne MacIain 17:20

Oh yeah.


Aria MacIain 17:22

Or sand. And let's say your friend really likes...


Adrienne MacIain 17:28

Water.


Aria MacIain 17:28

Diamonds.


Okay, diamonds. [laughter]


Diamonds, water. Let's say they like something else then you. Let's say you're like, "Hey, friend, I know you've been spending a lot of time with diamonds." This would be you being vulnerable. And this is hard. But this is part of telling the truth.


Adrienne MacIain 17:49

It takes a lot of courage and bravery, doesn't it? To tell the truth.


Aria MacIain 17:53

Yeah,


When they made the Wizard of Oz. Some people might have thought, Oh, it's easy to have courage like a lion. It's not.


Adrienne MacIain 18:07

It's not.


Aria MacIain 18:08

And sometimes you don't even realize it. That you don't have that courage.


Adrienne MacIain 18:14

And people don't realize what courage really is. They don't realize what bravery really is. It's not being strong all the time. It's being scared and doing it anyway.


Aria MacIain 18:24

Yeah. If you're not scared of this, and you're just being strong, it's not bravery. It's...


Adrienne MacIain 18:32

Just bravado. Just showing off.


Aria MacIain 18:35

Yeah. Like, this is bravery: "Hey, friend. We've been spending a lot of time with the diamonds. I know I haven't told you this before, but I really like dirt. It's, it's one of my favorite things." And if your friend accepts that and says, "Okay, we can go play with dirt." That's fun. That's fine.


Adrienne MacIain 18:58

That's a true friend.


Aria MacIain 18:59

That's a true friend. If the friend's like, "But diamonds are much prettier!" You need to find a different friend.


Adrienne MacIain 19:07

Yeah. And sometimes it can be really lonely and hard to wait for the right friend. But it's worth it.


Aria MacIain 19:15

Let me tell you something I've been working on.


Adrienne MacIain 19:17

Absolutely.


Aria MacIain 19:19

At home? Right now? Like, I feel like I need more true friends. Like so. I've been trying to juggle.


Adrienne MacIain 19:27

Ooooh!


Aria MacIain 19:28

Actually, I'm getting pretty good at it with two balls, but I'm like very far away from three. And I've been hoping that I can like do it at the playground and have people come over. And like that's something you can do. It's called showing off. [laughter] Sometimes people think showing off is bad. But it really depends on the moment.


Adrienne MacIain 19:53

Yeah. Yeah.


Aria MacIain 19:54

It's like showing off can be bad. But in this case, it's good. All I want is more friends. All I want is true friends. And it's also a way to get good friends because they accept that you like juggling if they come over to watch you juggle. And if you accept that they like whatever they like, I think you have a true friend.


Adrienne MacIain 20:16

And you don't have to go chasing them, right? You're over doing your own thing. And if they come to you, then that means you have the right energy for them.


Aria MacIain 20:23

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 20:25

That's really smart.


Aria MacIain 20:25

But don't be cha... It's like a game of tag. If you go chasing somebody, they're gonna run away.


Adrienne MacIain 20:31

They're gonna run. Exactly, 100%. Okay, on that note, I think we'll end this. Thank you so much, Aria. Do you want to say something else?


Aria MacIain 20:40

Yeah, I would just like to say remember the rhyme: Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 20:46

There we go (kiss).


Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Adrienne MacIain 0:24

[Intro]


Hi, everyone. This is Adrienne and I have an extremely special guest here today. This is Aria Vita MacIain, my eight year old daughter. [kiss] You want to say hi to everybody?


Aria MacIain 1:13

Hi!


Adrienne MacIain 1:14

Okay. So Aria has a story that she would like to tell, and I'm going to help her tell it today.


Aria MacIain 1:21

I used to have two friends and their name is Inez and Vivian.


Adrienne MacIain 1:27

Do you want to tell us how you met Vivian?


Aria MacIain 1:29

Yeah. So, before I was in kindergarten, I was studying very well. I knew the vowels. I was like, readering, and most people didn't at my age. So when Vivian was there looking for her cubby, I helped her find it, because she did not really know how to read.


Unknown Speaker 1:50

Right, but you did.


Aria MacIain 1:51

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 1:52

Yeah. So you and Vivian you were best friends.


Aria MacIain 1:55

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 1:56

Yeah. You guys were inseparable for a while there. And then when Inez came along, what happened?


Aria MacIain 2:01

Vivian started playing a little bit more with Inez. Sometimes they said that they needed alone time. And when I gave them it, I saw those two playing together, which was NOT alone time. That was friend time.


Adrienne MacIain 2:17

And that was excluding you time, right?


Aria MacIain 2:20

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 2:21

And how did that make you feel?


Aria MacIain 2:23

I got pretty upset because Vivian was my best friend until now.


Adrienne MacIain 2:29

Yeah. So there's a specific story...


Aria MacIain 2:32

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 2:33

...that you wanted to tell today. Now, what has blocked you from telling this particular story, until now?


Aria MacIain 2:39

Well, in this story, if I feel like I'm the one who lied and I feel ashamed, because I'm the one who started this entire lie.


Adrienne MacIain 2:49

Yeah. Okay, so... you want to tell the story?


Aria MacIain 2:53

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 2:54

Okay.


Aria MacIain 2:56

The day after the day we met Inez, I remember that clearly day, it was foggy. And I said, this fog was a dream. It was a storm. Things were happening. There was a problem.


Adrienne MacIain 3:12

Okay, so you made the fog into a kind of magical, mystical symbol.


Aria MacIain 3:17

Yes, which didn't seem that bad at the time until we got straight into it. Like, well, this is something true that I'm... I felt magical at that time. And so when I tell my friends they of course tell me things, and we all make things up, which still seemed fun. Until it was like we were running around in the park. And we were standing here and it's like, "This is somebody's dream who's dreaming of us! We're trapped in somebody's dream, how do we get out??"


Adrienne MacIain 3:54

Yeah, so you made it kind of dangerous and scary a little bit.


Aria MacIain 3:58

Yeah, but now we started picking up seedlets and it was like,


Adrienne MacIain 4:03

You started picking up what?


Aria MacIain 4:05

There were the seed packets on the ground everywhere, we started picking them up and pretending things and stuff. And now it changed to get a little worse because me and my friends right now are, we're like, moving around things, trying to get through things. And sometimes we were even kind of breaking rules trying to have the teachers not see us.


Adrienne MacIain 4:30

Gotcha. So it kind of got out of hand and got away from you.


Aria MacIain 4:35

Yeah. Now suddenly, we're in this big thing. And I think the friends know there are lies too. But it's like, it's kind of my fault.


Adrienne MacIain 4:47

Yeah, I hear ya. And so how did you feel about that at the time?


Aria MacIain 4:53

Um, at the time, I felt okay. I felt like "Oh, this is fun. We're playing our-- I'm playing with my friends. And, like, finally I've started something. And finally we can all play together."


That's really the main thing. Cuz after... when... cuz when me and Vivian, I... let me tell you what I would do before I met Vivian, or Inez.


Adrienne MacIain 5:09

Right.


Yes.


Aria MacIain 5:15

I would swing on rings. I would just swing on rings. Rings are like monkey bars only they're not still. And they swing. And when I met Vivian, and Inez came, she kind of sucked up all my time with Vivian. And so what was I to do? Play on the rings. So I got really good at those rings. And now that we could all play together, I felt like "Yay, we can all play!" Maybe I can't get just Vivian back to myself, no. But we can all play together.


Adrienne MacIain 5:59

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 5:59

So at that time, I was not that much ashamed of...


Adrienne MacIain 6:03

No, you were kind of proud of yourself for coming up with that idea, right? Because it worked.


Aria MacIain 6:07

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 6:08

Yeah, that makes sense.


Aria MacIain 6:09

But I think that was with my subconscious mind at the time when I made that up. Because at that time, I just wanted to make some problem up. Cuz it seemed fun.


Adrienne MacIain 6:23

Sure. It's drama, right?


Aria MacIain 6:25

But I think in my subconscious mind, I knew there was more to that story.


Adrienne MacIain 6:31

Yeah. And when did that change for you? When did you start to realize, "Uh-oh, I've made a mistake"?


Aria MacIain 6:37

It's eventually like: Sacrifices! And oh, Aria, there's gonna be a problem with you! And Inez, things are gonna have to happen!


Right. Drama drama drama.


And it was just like, I can't let this happen! It was just way too much. As much as I wanted to keep it in, as much as I was scared... As much as that feeling, I knew I couldn't let this go on.


Adrienne MacIain 7:08

And so what did you do?


Aria MacIain 7:10

Basically, after recess? I went out to them. And I was like, Hey, guys, I gotta tell you something. And they were like, "What is it, Aria? What is it?? We need to know!" And I'm like, "Okay, guys, I've been lying about this, there's this thing, and this thing, and I didn't want to say... and it's like, I've been lying about the fog for the whole time, which right now I'm even embarrassed to say.


Adrienne MacIain 7:35

Yeah. yeah, it's hard to admit that you lied, right?


Aria MacIain 7:39

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 7:39

Yeah. It's a big thing. Well, can I give you a hug for being really brave and admitting that, on a recording?


Aria MacIain 7:46

Um, there's more to the story, though.


Adrienne MacIain 7:48

Okay, I want to hear it.


Aria MacIain 7:49

My friends played along with the lie, of course, and actually, they were a little bit okay with it. Of course, they got upset. I mean, who wouldn't? I just made up something big. But... we're kindergarteners. We don't understand this like... I'm in third grade right now and I did not understand it then.


Adrienne MacIain 8:11

Yeah. The thing is, and I understand that, you know, you're kind of ashamed of that. But, you know, making up stories is kind of what people do. That's, that's a really normal human thing is to want to make up stories and to create, you know, drama, around kinda normally stuff.


Aria MacIain 8:29

I know I'm ashamed of it. But right now, I really shouldn't be. And if this has happened to you, you shouldn't be. Because... because...


Adrienne MacIain 8:40

You did the right thing, right?


Aria MacIain 8:41

Yeah. You wanted drama. You wanted action. You didn't know at that time. Of course, digging deeper into the hole is a warning. Like, tell them first. Before it gets worse. Tell them first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 8:56

Oh, I like that Aria. Did you make that up? I love that. Tell them first before it gets worse. So how did this story change you, Aria?


Aria MacIain 9:06

Um, well, what happened, a lot of... Well, what it changed me from is, I have a new friend now. Her name's Suvi. And we've been telling lies, too. You might be like, Oh, geez, I thought you learned! But


Adrienne MacIain 9:24

Oh baby, believe me, we understand. Patterns are patterns, and it's really hard to break them.


Aria MacIain 9:30

Yeah. And I feel like it's a pattern. Because I feel like I've seen this before. And I want to tell, but I'm scared. What if it IS the truth? What... Cuz it's like, it's not just me who made this up. It's like, I say to Suvi: I am fairy. And then Suvi says to me, I'm witch, and we need to solve all of these big problems. And then these big problems and I'm gonna explode from these... And I'm like, honestly right now I feel like Suvi's leading this, but I'm not gonna blame it on Suvi.


Adrienne MacIain 10:11

Right.


Aria MacIain 10:12

I'm not gonna.


Adrienne MacIain 10:13

Yeah, you're playing along. You're getting something out of it for sure.


Aria MacIain 10:17

Cuz I want to tell her, I truly do. I also don't want to lose her and I also don't want to make her feel bad if it is the truth. Because when I said I was fairy, I was kind of telling the truth. You so


Adrienne MacIain 10:32

That's a... there's truth, right? And then there's emotional truth.


Aria MacIain 10:37

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 10:38

Right? And if that's your emotional truth, then that's different. But I think it's important to say to her, "Hey, just so we're clear, there's parts of this that are true for me, and there's parts that are just fun for me." And I think she'll say the same. I think she'll probably tell you the exact same thing, Aria.


Aria MacIain 10:59

With Suvi it's a little different.


Adrienne MacIain 11:01

Okay.


Aria MacIain 11:01

Like recently I got pretty upset with this, especially right now. Because Suiv and Lola were whispering, and I was like, "Hey guys," and they were like "..." and I was like, "What are you guys talking about?" And she's like, "Nothing." And then she pretended that her leg hurt, and she needed to go on the elevator. And I came in with her. Because I wanted to know. And then I got in trouble for that.


Yeah.


And then now I'm like, "What did she... what were you guys talking about?" And she made something up. How do I know that she made something up?"


Adrienne MacIain 11:36

Oh, you can tell.


Aria MacIain 11:36

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 11:37

You can tell.


Aria MacIain 11:38

And also because she would have told Lola, and she would have been like, "Aaaa!" and instead Lola was smiling and she was whispering. And I saw.


Adrienne MacIain 11:46

Okay.


Aria MacIain 11:47

And so, like, she made something up to me. And it's making me upset, but I can't blame her. I can kind of feel Suvi's side.


Adrienne MacIain 11:59

Of course. But remember what we just-- what YOU just told the audience?


Aria MacIain 12:03

Yes.


Adrienne MacIain 12:04

What did you tell them?


Aria MacIain 12:05

Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 12:10

That's right. So, what's the lesson that you're going to take away from this?


Aria MacIain 12:17

...


Adrienne MacIain 12:17

[laughter] It's hard! It's easier to give other people advice than to give it to yourself, right?


Aria MacIain 12:22

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 12:22

To take your own advice is hard. But I know you're gonna make the right choice, Aria. I'm really proud of you. You're so wise.


Aria MacIain 12:31

There's a few other things I'd like to say.


Adrienne MacIain 12:34

Absolutely. You have the floor.


Aria MacIain 12:37

All my friends have moved away. All of my friends that I trust-trust.


Adrienne MacIain 12:41

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 12:43

Yeah. And then Suvi, I'm like, "Can I trust you?" Like...


Adrienne MacIain 12:50

Vivian moved to New York...


Aria MacIain 12:53

Inez moved to Spain and Emmy move to... I don't remember, I really don't. But I know I can kind of see her, but it's not like, you know... I think they needed to move away because... money.


Adrienne MacIain 13:08

Yeah, that's often the way of it.


Aria MacIain 13:11

Which... that changed me a lot. Because it's like, who do I hang out with that I can trust? Who do I hang out with, which makes it... You see, by avoiding the hole and taking a different route, it just digs you deeper. And by digging you away from the surface, it doesn't mean that they're not talking. It just means that you're not listening.


Adrienne MacIain 13:36

That's right. That's right. So who do you think needs to hear this story? And what do you want them to walk away with? We've already sort of covered that with your beautiful little phrase. But I want to hear you kind of sum sum up the meaning of the story for the people.


Aria MacIain 13:52

The meaning is that if you if you said a big lie to somebody, and if you haven't told them yet? I'd advise you to tell them. And right now, I still need to tell somebody, as you just heard. And one thing you could say to them is, "Hey, listen, I still want to be friends. Okay? But we need to tell the truth to each other." Which, I think that's how I want to do it.


Adrienne MacIain 14:22

Yeah. That's a really good way.


Aria MacIain 14:23

Yeah. Cuz we still need to tell the truth to each other. And let me go first because I started this. Or, if you didn't even start this, just say, let me go first because I was part of this.


Adrienne MacIain 14:35

And the thing is, if you're scared that you're going to lose somebody by telling the truth, then that's not really your friend.


Aria MacIain 14:42

Yeah. I bet they'll be relieved. Here's something you can say to them. Of course, they don't need to, they're not always going to talk their side. But here's something you can say. "So, in order for this thing to have worked, I know there's two sides. So, would you like to tell yours?" you can say that. But so what I want people to walk away with in the story is: I want them to say their truth. I want them to tell the truth. I don't want them to be scared, or worried of... And I even know that grownups do this.


Adrienne MacIain 15:22

100% grownups do this, Aria.


Aria MacIain 15:25

And it's not just over friends, like, you can lose other things by this. You could be scared of getting in trouble. Like, and so, all I'm saying is, if you're scared of getting in trouble. Truth is way more important. You need to tell them the truth.


Adrienne MacIain 15:47

The truth will set you free.


Aria MacIain 15:49

Like, that's not just something somebody made up. The truth WILL set you free. Right now, The cage is building up through lies. The cage will finish. I promise you. But you can stop that cage from finishing. And even when it's finished, you can still stop it, but it won't go as well. With me and Inez, I think the cage was just barely finished, because like we were getting to the sacrifice parts. Like, you know,


Adrienne MacIain 16:22

Yucky.


Aria MacIain 16:24

The cage was just barely finished. And the deeper the cage goes, the harder it is to...


Yeah. Which is why I made up that rhyme.


Adrienne MacIain 16:31

Yeah.


Aria MacIain 16:31

....set you free.


Adrienne MacIain 16:31

The longer the longer you wait, the more painful it's gonna be for everybody. Definitely. Right?


Both 16:41

Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 16:44

Good job. That was awesome, Aria. Can I add one thing?


Aria MacIain

What?


Adrienne MacIain

Do you know the word intimacy?


Aria MacIain 16:52

No.


Adrienne MacIain 16:52

Okay, so intimacy is what makes real friendship and real love possible. It's being really vulnerable and showing somebody else who you really are.


Aria MacIain 17:04

And if they don't accept that they are not your friend.


Adrienne MacIain 17:08

That's right!


Aria MacIain 17:08

Because if you show them that... we talked about this in school too, and let's say you really like dirt.


Adrienne MacIain 17:17

[laughter] Okay.


Aria MacIain 17:18

Some people really do like dirt.


Adrienne MacIain 17:20

Oh yeah.


Aria MacIain 17:22

Or sand. And let's say your friend really likes...


Adrienne MacIain 17:28

Water.


Aria MacIain 17:28

Diamonds.


Okay, diamonds. [laughter]


Diamonds, water. Let's say they like something else then you. Let's say you're like, "Hey, friend, I know you've been spending a lot of time with diamonds." This would be you being vulnerable. And this is hard. But this is part of telling the truth.


Adrienne MacIain 17:49

It takes a lot of courage and bravery, doesn't it? To tell the truth.


Aria MacIain 17:53

Yeah,


When they made the Wizard of Oz. Some people might have thought, Oh, it's easy to have courage like a lion. It's not.


Adrienne MacIain 18:07

It's not.


Aria MacIain 18:08

And sometimes you don't even realize it. That you don't have that courage.


Adrienne MacIain 18:14

And people don't realize what courage really is. They don't realize what bravery really is. It's not being strong all the time. It's being scared and doing it anyway.


Aria MacIain 18:24

Yeah. If you're not scared of this, and you're just being strong, it's not bravery. It's...


Adrienne MacIain 18:32

Just bravado. Just showing off.


Aria MacIain 18:35

Yeah. Like, this is bravery: "Hey, friend. We've been spending a lot of time with the diamonds. I know I haven't told you this before, but I really like dirt. It's, it's one of my favorite things." And if your friend accepts that and says, "Okay, we can go play with dirt." That's fun. That's fine.


Adrienne MacIain 18:58

That's a true friend.


Aria MacIain 18:59

That's a true friend. If the friend's like, "But diamonds are much prettier!" You need to find a different friend.


Adrienne MacIain 19:07

Yeah. And sometimes it can be really lonely and hard to wait for the right friend. But it's worth it.


Aria MacIain 19:15

Let me tell you something I've been working on.


Adrienne MacIain 19:17

Absolutely.


Aria MacIain 19:19

At home? Right now? Like, I feel like I need more true friends. Like so. I've been trying to juggle.


Adrienne MacIain 19:27

Ooooh!


Aria MacIain 19:28

Actually, I'm getting pretty good at it with two balls, but I'm like very far away from three. And I've been hoping that I can like do it at the playground and have people come over. And like that's something you can do. It's called showing off. [laughter] Sometimes people think showing off is bad. But it really depends on the moment.


Adrienne MacIain 19:53

Yeah. Yeah.


Aria MacIain 19:54

It's like showing off can be bad. But in this case, it's good. All I want is more friends. All I want is true friends. And it's also a way to get good friends because they accept that you like juggling if they come over to watch you juggle. And if you accept that they like whatever they like, I think you have a true friend.


Adrienne MacIain 20:16

And you don't have to go chasing them, right? You're over doing your own thing. And if they come to you, then that means you have the right energy for them.


Aria MacIain 20:23

Yeah.


Adrienne MacIain 20:25

That's really smart.


Aria MacIain 20:25

But don't be cha... It's like a game of tag. If you go chasing somebody, they're gonna run away.


Adrienne MacIain 20:31

They're gonna run. Exactly, 100%. Okay, on that note, I think we'll end this. Thank you so much, Aria. Do you want to say something else?


Aria MacIain 20:40

Yeah, I would just like to say remember the rhyme: Tell the truth first before it gets worse.


Adrienne MacIain 20:46

There we go (kiss).


Transcribed by https://otter.ai


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